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Draco Malfoy's Army
September: A Very Bad Start Indeed
Saturday 31 August
154lbs (disgusting), sweets 12 (but am going through nervous breakdown so o.k.), alcohol units 7 (re: nervous breakdown), fags 1,000,000 (but have lost count), minutes in front of mirror 45 (terrifying)

10:00 a.m.
Awoke cheerful and rested, only to remember that is last day of freedom before returning to hellish prison that is school. Try to think positive thoughts in accordance with new school year resolution of Being a Better Person. Plus, have heard negative thoughts give you wrinkles. Do not want to look like old man before my time.

1:30 p.m.
Just received Floo call from Pansy wanting to know what I plan to wear tomorrow to train station. Do not see as it's any of her business, but somehow got caught up in conversation regarding clasps. Have determined to wear silver serpent clasp tomorrow, because Pansy hates it. Hate Pansy. Hate. Why won't the girl leave me alone?

5 p.m.
There's really nothing to calm me down like ordering around House Elfs. Have made them pack all belongings in expensive new trunk with Bottomless Pit charm. Am very fond of trunk, as permits me to bring every last piece of clothing and accessory I own for first time ever. Love trunk. Would marry trunk if trunk were not inanimate object. May marry trunk anyway, as other option seems to be Pansy.

8 p.m.
Crisis. CRISIS!!!!! Am made speechless and incoherent by life-changing news that has just been imparted to me. Luckily can still write, so will report conversation with Father as ver batim as can manage:

Father: Draco, I have some news for you.
Me: You're finally buying me a Firebolt?
Father: No.
Me: But tomorrow's my sixteenth birthday! I think I deserve something flashy and fast to show for it.
Father: Precisely. At the stroke of midnight tonight, you will turn sixteen. What you do not know is that at your birth, you were cursed by a vengeful fairy who did not like your father. The curse turned you into a boy until your sixteenth birthday, when the curse will be lifted and you will take on your true form.
Me: Huh? That's ridiculous. You're having me on.
Father: Excuse me, but Malfoys do not "have people on." Joking is strictly forbaden by the Malfoy Code of Dishonor.
Me: So you're saying that you pissed off some fairy so she turned me into a boy, and at the stroke of midnight tonight, I'll turn back into a girl?
Father: Yes. Except that, seeing as it is also against the Code for anyone to be pissed off at a Malfoy, you're dead wrong. Draco, I am not your father. The Dark Lord is. And your true name is Esmerelda Vellalobose Amoura de Mort.

Past that, world is bit hazy. Have been steadily drinking since, in attempt to blot out Father's ridiculous predictions. He is having me on, regardless of Code. Code is silly piece of drivel anyway. Oh no, did I really just write that? Perhaps Father is right…

12:37 a.m.
Am grrrl. Isss disgushtin. But am to drank to car. Has spent pst haf hour staring at naked shelf in miror. Thish explains why have nevr found grrls v. attractive. But refuse to be calld Esmerelda. Is ridiculous. Trying to thnk positive—at leest will not haf to mary Pansy.

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